So I really got thinking about relationships today and their relationship to sex and cancer… I guess how I want to start this is to say that depending on how supportive or open to different things your partner is, could really change your experience when it comes to sex… I know that in many cases some girls never really are open to some different things… Now you may be thinking I am talking about crazy sexual acts or something way out of the norm that should probably be illegal around the world, but I am not. I am talking about the simple things that… well… get people in the mood! Even if it is just a romantic dinner, a certain type of music, or whatever might help you in the situation you could find yourself in… there is almost always a way to be able to get in the mood. With that in mind people that have been through treatment, whether it be radiation, chemo, or whatever… they may be in pain in some way or discomfort… Now I myself did not really go through too much pain or discomfort when I went through surgery, which could be because I have a high tolerance for pain, so I did not really run into that issue… I went through a different sort of side effect when I had surgery… and well… when I went through chemo… My issue was more on a performance side, and well to this day I may still have some of those issues. I dont know if it is still effects from the chemo or the surgery, a combination of the two, or even a mental block but I still do have an issue… well… “keeping it up”.
for my family, friends, ex-girlfriends, or well anyone that is reading this I don’t want this to be awkward, and well I really was not looking forward to sharing this, but bear with me here…
So anyway, with that said I will press on! I know that some men that I have talked to that have had a similar diagnosis as mine, well have a problem with ED that is temporary. Like all of us have said though we each have found our way of fixing that problem. Like you have seen in my earlier posts, I have not been as successful as some but with time things got better. For example it was a good 6 or 7 months before I was “able” to do what I thought was normal in the bedroom. Of course then when chemo came around, things changed drastically again! When I got done with chemo things were very different, because I could just not preform. Back to before though, things like romantic dates, “dirty talk”, touching and feeling… and other things like that sure helped my “game”. I could still not successfully have sex though… most the time I could start to, but then not long after the start I would lose my “drive” and well have to stop and be embarrassed. This was the case many many many times. Here is what I have to say though, the partners that I had to stop with and that I would be embarrassed with did not give me a positive feeling, make me feel like it was ok, or well make me feel comfortable at all.
I have to say though when you find the right person that is accepting and loves you no matter what, or at least accepts you for who you are and the issues you might have it changes everything… My current girlfriend I know is like that, and that my friends is one of the many reasons that I love her… no matter what my issue is I know she will be there to love me and be understanding about what I have been through and the complications that come with what cancer and chemotherapy did to me. I know that I do NOT have to worry about it… and that is why I say that your partner changes everything…
If you have someone that cares about you… if you have someone that really can understand that life isn’t always easy, then they can make these things a lot more comfortable for you, and for your relationship…
I am not sure if this blog was really a complete thought… or if really it makes any sense at all… maybe I was just putting things out there, but started writing this on the 14th… and well it is now 6:12am on the 17th… I am laying in my bed in a hotel room for my Apple training in Victor, NY… and I have not slept now since yesterday morning at about 8am…
I hope that someone gets something out of this one…
Until next time keep your head up and… Don’t Worry…There Is Sex After Cancer,
-Drew
