Hey Everyone Drew Here!!!
Let’s see this will be my first blog where I actually talk about something that happened to me after I had cancer. I know that for everyone male and female the experience will probably be different, and I also know that not everyone that will be reading this blog is a survivor. With that said I am sure there are loved ones out there who want information or tips on what to do with their survivor! How do you make them happy, please them, keep the relationship interesting, etc. I hope that we can all help each other in many ways! Here goes!!
I remember the day that I had my Orchiectomy I wasn’t thinking about the affects that surgery may have when having a testicle removed. Actually come to think about it that really didn’t enter my mind until at least a week after surgery. In 2008 I had friends that went to SUNY Fredonia in Fredonia, NY and we sure did love to party. A week after my surgery all that was on my mind was getting on with my life and going back out and partying. Really I think this was kind of my crisis mode and I just wanted to drown away everything that had just happened. Being 21 at the time and only weeks away from being a 22 year old male with no girlfriend to tie him down there was of course one thing on my mind… SEX! I remember I drove out there and surprised all my friends, and of course the first thing that a few of us discussed upon my arrival was chasing girls.
The reason why I titled this blog entry “Like A Virgin… Well Not Really!” is because in a sense I was. Before all of this happened I had a handful of partners, well I could count them on two hands lets say that. I had no problem expressing my sexuality or my sexual interest in the opposite sex. So as usual I was doing what any of my friends would do, try to talk to girls in the bar. This was going well, until I really got drinking at least. Being in crisis mode I was joking about having one nut, and of course my personal favorite being “lighter”. When a girl in the bar who I didn’t even know told me that I should really stop being so “insensitive”. Little did she know I actually did have a testicle removed and that I would soon be showing her. We argued back and forth, and me being as comfortable with myself as I was (or extremely drunk) I dropped my pants in front of her so she could stare with shock and awe at my scar!
I need to pause it right here, and probably end the story because that is as far as this went, other than me laughing my ass off at the time. I really got thinking over that weekend about how different things looked though, and I mean it took me awhile to accept that I was going to have what I like to call “Frankencrotch” with a nice three to four inch scar across the top of my groin. I think this was the hardest part for me in the beginning was my mental block. It looked so nasty with the scar, like it was damaged goods. Not only that but the complete area was black and blue and incredibly sore from the whole debacle! After showing it to that girl from the bar I thought about what she might have thought about what it looked like, and I mean it started this chain reaction of mental SHIT that I didn’t know how I felt about it.
I thought to myself:
What if no one ever wants to have sex with me?
Do I not tell people that I am interested in about it?
What if it never works right again?
What if I don’t get full feeling back?
Will this affect how sex is for me for the rest of my life?
Of course I have a ton of other thoughts running through my head at this point, but I mean this was really starting to bug me all the sudden! I realized later on that a lot of my problem was mental and not physical…
To overcome all of this it took a lot of trial and error, which I will go into in later blogs, but I guess the purpose of this blog is that I kind of really felt like a virgin again, because it was going to be a whole new world for me and a whole new world for my sexuality… Just like it would be for any cancer survivor…